Gary has discovered five fundamental languages of love from his many years of counseling sessions. These are:
1. Gifts
My academic background is anthropology, the study of cultures. We
have never discovered a culture in which gift-giving is not an
expression of love.
A gift is a physical symbol that the giver is thinking about you. A
gift doesn't have to be expensive. People have always said that it's the
thought that counts. But I remind couples that it's not the thought left in your head that counts; it's the gift that came out of the thought in your head.
2. Acts of Service
The Bible says, "Love not in word only but in deed" (Cf. 1 John
3:18). Do something. This love language is cooking meals, washing dishes,
vacuuming floors, washing cars, taking the dog for a walk. It's doing
anything that you know your spouse would like for you to do. When your
spouse complains about uncompleted tasks, pick up on these comments. Learn
to speak through acts of service.
3. Words of Affirmation
Another way to express love is to use words that affirm your spouse:
"You look nice in that dress." "You look sharp in that suit." "I really
appreciate what you did yesterday."
4. Quality Time
Quality time is not sitting in the same room watching television
or on your computer. Rather, sit on the couch with the TV or
computer off
and look at each other and talk. Take a walk or go out to eat, just
the two
of you, and talk. When you give your spouse quality time, you're not
reading a
book or watching television or playing computer games. You're
focusing on him or her. Maybe you are doing something that both of you
like to do, but your focus is on being together, not on the activity
itself.
5. Physical Touch
We've long known the power of physical touch: holding hands,
kissing, embracing, sexual intercourse, running your hand through her
hair, putting your hand on his leg as you drive down the road -- touching
in an affirming way.
My academic background is anthropology, the study of cultures. We
have never discovered a culture in which gift-giving is not an
expression of love.
A gift is a physical symbol that the giver is thinking about you. A
gift doesn't have to be expensive. People have always said that it's the
thought that counts. But I remind couples that it's not the thought left in your head that counts; it's the gift that came out of the thought in your head.
2. Acts of Service
The Bible says, "Love not in word only but in deed" (Cf. 1 John
3:18). Do something. This love language is cooking meals, washing dishes,
vacuuming floors, washing cars, taking the dog for a walk. It's doing
anything that you know your spouse would like for you to do. When your
spouse complains about uncompleted tasks, pick up on these comments. Learn
to speak through acts of service.
3. Words of Affirmation
Another way to express love is to use words that affirm your spouse:
"You look nice in that dress." "You look sharp in that suit." "I really
appreciate what you did yesterday."
4. Quality Time
Quality time is not sitting in the same room watching television
or on your computer. Rather, sit on the couch with the TV or
computer off
and look at each other and talk. Take a walk or go out to eat, just
the two
of you, and talk. When you give your spouse quality time, you're not
reading a
book or watching television or playing computer games. You're
focusing on him or her. Maybe you are doing something that both of you
like to do, but your focus is on being together, not on the activity
itself.
5. Physical Touch
We've long known the power of physical touch: holding hands,
kissing, embracing, sexual intercourse, running your hand through her
hair, putting your hand on his leg as you drive down the road -- touching
in an affirming way.
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